You’ve heard me talk a lot about high sensitivity around here especially as it pertains to parenting. I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) and so is Gab.
But what am I even talking about? Here’s a primer on the main characteristics of HSPs. There will be much more coming in my writing about this trait so definitely stay tuned.
High sensitivity refers to an innate capacity in some people for being highly aware of and attuned to their surroundings. It is a personality trait (like introversion/extroversion).
It has been studied extensively for decades and is estimated to occur across many species (not just humans) and represents about 20% of all people.
At their core, HSPs are extremely aware of subtle details in their world. When faced with a new person or environment, they need to make observations before they dive in. They are likely to notice changes in decor or new outfits very easily. And if anything seems “off”, they’ll be the first to point it out.
This attention to detail necessitates a significant amount of time for mental and emotional processing. This means that HSPs generally require a lot of downtime to think and reflect. Their mind demands that they organize all of their experiences into understandable nuggets of info. This takes considerable energy and time for HSPs.
This all results in the likelihood that HSPs will get really overstimulated really fast. If they’ve had very little downtime or done a lot of new things, an HSP’s concentration will run out, they will get very tired and/or their mind will feel like it’s spinning. They may appear “spaced out” or even get irritable. Often the only relief for HSPs is to have some time alone–to cry, to listen to an emotional song or do some other grounding activity. This means that HSPs don’t always have the stamina required for long meetings, packed weekends, conferences, crowded malls etc.
HSPs also feel their emotions in a big and intense way. Innately they don’t want to hurt others or cause any fuss. It is second nature for them to sense when someone is upset and offer support. Compassion and empathy are easily within reach from an early age. As such, HSPs often cry or get intensely outraged about injustice. They can take criticism very personally and may struggle with intensely emotional conflict.
If you are not an HSP, it is very likely that you have one in your friend circle, family or workplace. This sensitivity trait, like all traits, has it’s pros and cons. On one hand, sensitives serve an important safety mechanism for humanity: because they want to check out their surroundings and come to conclusions before jumping in to something, they can provide protection from unnecessary risk. On the other hand, the ease with which they get overwhelmed and overstimulated by the world can often cause others to think that they are needy, demanding or impossible to figure out. HSPs who don’t learn how to take care of themselves, may experience anxiety, low mood and even shy away from being around people as a way of shielding themselves from overwhelm.
If you are an HSP, it is so important (and liberating) to recognize the trait in yourself. It is so common for sensitives to grow up feeling like they are weird and don’t belong. Waking up to your gifts is an empowering gift.
Sensitivity cannot be eradicated. There is no such thing as “toughening up” a sensitive person. Like any personality trait, sensitivity can be *worked with*. We can learn how to manage our stimulation, how to ask for what we want, how to engage in the self care we require. Those around sensitives can learn how to increase their patience and compassion for them—knowing that they are not making things “difficult” on purpose.
If this resonates with you and you want to know more, please sign up for my newsletter below. And here are a few of my trusted resources on sensitivity:
Dr. Elaine Aron: a pioneer in the study of high sensitivity. Her website has a quiz to help you determine if you or your child are highly sensitive. Her books are essential reading.
L’Erin Alta: This gorgeous human writes so eloquently and powerfully about how to reclaim your power as a sensitive (also known as an empath).
The Sensitivity Project: a new-to-me IG account but provides lots of easy to digest info and tips about coping with sensitivity.
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