Self Confidence

I took a course in my undergraduate nursing program called “Self and Others”. It was all about interpersonal communication, self-reflection and empathy. I became really good at the “others” part—I refined my listening skills, I deepened my empathy, I learned new communication techniques.

But, while I excelled at talking and relating to others, I totally let the “self” part of the course slide. Things like increasing my self-confidence and releasing negative self talk didn’t get much attention.

I didn’t nurture myself because I thought it more important to learn how to be with others—to serve others .Of course I doubt it was noticeable that my confidence was shaky. On the outside, I was achieving, moving along on my life’s trajectory and, just generally, getting shit done.

But planning, achieving, winning and excelling do not automatically come from a place of self-confidence. I avoided learning about myself and served others because I was looking for, needed even, some type of external validation.

If I nail this exam then that teacher will know how smart I am.

If I plan the best party then people will really like me.

If I get this amazing job then people will really see I’ve made something of myself.

It turns out that external accolades and gold stars don’t actually make you feel that good inside. Turns out that, how you feel about yourself, is totally and completely up to you. You get to decide why you do what you do, whether you like it or not, and whether it lives up to your standard.

Since we were little, we’ve all been conditioned to reach goals that other people have set for us—pass their tests, get a spot on their podium, compete for a spot on their centrestage.

But what if we were the makers of our own tests? The creators of the competencies for our own lives?

What if we decided which podium we wanted to be on?

Which role we want to play on the centrestage of our lives?

What if we affirmed our own existence, right now in this very moment, just as we are, without needing accolades and gold stars?

What if we decided to focus our attention on the self rather than jumping to impress and please others first?

How I’ve been doing to get into this space is by spending more time with myself. I get in touch with my inner workings via journaling, writing and doing things alone. I prioritizing reaching into myself first and then I reach out to others. Your form of nourishment and self attention might look different than mine, maybe you draw, maybe you need to move your body a lot, maybe you bake. Whatever it is, it is necessary in order to access deep love and compassion for others.