My day job as a Nurse Practitioner means that I spend my days supporting women in their physical and mental health. I bear witness to stories of great suffering and even greater resilience. It is work that I am passionate about. It is extremely rewarding and urgent work.
It is also extremely tiring. I am coming off of a year of learning how to be a mother which is also very tiring work. It’s easy as a helper, healer and mama to get lost. To completely pour yourself into your work and/or your family. I used to think that pouring of myself was selflessness. I thought it was virtuous.
You know what it really is? Unsustainable.
This is my, “don’t mess with me, I’m about to lay some boundaries on your ass” face. Can you tell?
By the time I went off on my maternity leave in October 2016, I was fatigued. I was burnt out. I was finding it hard to be sensitive and compassionate. What I was mistaking for passion and virtue was actually boundary-less caregiving.
I started my motherhood journey in much the same way, pouring myself into it and trying to be superwoman. I burnt out pretty quickly at that gig too.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Are you feeling overtired? Staying late at work? Losing yourself in your job? Are you unsure where you end and your family members/clients begin because the lines are becoming so blurred?
If you are, I get you. And I’m here to tell you that you need to take care of yourself and that doesn’t necessarily mean you need a manicure or super duper deluxe spa day. Likely what you need is to get back to the basics and start with your boundaries. Because that’s what I needed for so long and I felt like no one had ever taught me how to set them.
Here’s some real talk about what taking care of myself in a practical way looks like:
- Limit Access: I only look at my work e-mails on M-W-F. I welcome non urgent calls from my clients but I return them within 5 business days only. Anything that is so urgent will come at you more than once so I don’t stress that I might miss something important. I do not work late unless there is an emergency (and in my line of work, there often is). It’s not about being perfect about these things, it’s about setting a hard boundary and trying hard to stick to it.
- Identify the Problem: it’s helpful for me to ask myself what’s got me feeling funky or overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s a big thing (a hurtful thing a client said) and sometimes it’s something small (my exam room has no window in it and I miss natural light). Sometimes it’s a physical thing (I need to drink more water) and sometimes it’s an emotional thing (I feel like my manager is not listening to me). Get clear on the thing that’s bothering you—talk about it with a trusted friend, write it down, reflect on it while dancing.
- Make Resetting Rituals: Once you identify what’s bothering you, identify a solution and create a ritual around it. Rituals create a space and routine around taking care of yourself. If you associate a certain time of day with a certain activity, you’re more likely to do it. For me, in order to make sure I get more natural light, I go to the lunchroom between each client and look outside for one minute before seeing my next client. In order to cleanse myself of the intensity of one client visit before starting on the next one, I repeat a mantra that reminds me that I need to show up for my client’s pain but I don’t need to take it on. I smell an essential oil, I rub my temples, I do a 3 minute meditation or I read a poem—all as ways to re-center me.
I invite you to take a minute today to reflect on where your boundaries may have become a little leaky. Then ask yourself what exactly the problem is. What does limiting access look like to you? What are some rituals you know you can implement that cause an immediate feeling of being re-energized? Try to put them into practice and then keep repeating that over and over this week.
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