Mindset

We are not our child’s healer

My experience working with clients in my nursing practice for the last 14 years, is that people are fervently seeking healing. People want to feel more energetic, have less pain, worry less and have greater inner peace. Out of this burning need for health, people seek a cure from their healthcare providers. They want the right diagnosis, the right pill, the right quick-fix.

And I have to admit that I have a lot of my career being very invested in matching this burning need to be fixed by urgently trying to “fix” others. There was a time when I was much to invested in my identity as a healer, both to the detriment of my energy and the detriment of my client’s sovereignty.

This happens for a lot of highly sensitive folks. With our innate gifts of empathy and compassion possibly combined with upbringings of emotional caretaking of other adults, it can be a natural choice to desire to be the fixer and the rescuer.

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Am I sensitive and passionate or just being reactive?

I have always considered myself to be a very passionate person. I feel deeply. I get enthusiastic quickly. I cry easily. I always chocked it up to being Portuguese and being raised in a household where you spoke loudly. Later, as I learned about the science of high sensitivity, I realized that my passion was because my nervous system literally took in more information and processed it more deeply than the average person.

And, over time, as I’ve matured, I also realized that what I was lumping together as my passionate qualities were actually reactivity.

Dr. Shefali Tsabury, in her book the Awakened Family, speaks about how there is a difference between reacting and responding. We may not have learned what this difference was as children, so we assume that not reacting means we are being passive or inauthentic. This is because we may have failed to learn, as children and adolescents, how to speak our truth without becoming defensive about it.

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What is High Sensitivity?

You’ve heard me talk a lot about high sensitivity around here especially as it pertains to parenting. I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) and so is Gab.

But what am I even talking about? Here’s a primer on the main characteristics of HSPs. There will be much more coming in my writing about this trait so definitely stay tuned.

High sensitivity refers to an innate capacity in some people for being highly aware of and attuned to their surroundings. It is a personality trait (like introversion/extroversion). …

Creating a Safe Space for Clients

When I polled my audience on Instagram, 82% identified as being in a healing/helping profession (nurse, doctor, social worker, teacher, trainer, therapist, coach, parent). I myself have been in nursing for 11 years, first in cancer care and now in women’s health. I get the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries, having good communication skills and conveying compassion.

I think I create a comfortable environment in my office; I often have people surprised about what they tell me because they hadn’t anticipated that coming up. I think this is the greatest sign that clients feel that I am present with them, open to hearing their story and ready to find solutions where I can. I thought today, I would share some tips for my fellow healers on how to create a comforting, compassionate space for your clients. …

My Secrets to Marital Longevity

Most Marriages Fail. The first three words the priest uttered during his sermon at my wedding ceremony (9 years ago this week!). The sermon included other words but I don’t remember them because I got so stuck on the first three. I was thinking: Why is the priest, the guy who is about to unite M and I for life, talking about divorce? I mean this is the day I’m supposed to feel that my relationship is invincible. Rainbows, unicorns and heart shaped cheesecakes are floating around in my head as I think about the happiness we’re going to cultivate all the days of our lives….

What are you really mad about?

What are you angry about today? What’s got you pissy? What’s really irritating your right now?

Did someone just cut you off in traffic? Did your boss give you a criticism you felt was unfair? Are you in the midst of a conflict with someone you love?

Anger is a fascinating emotion. It springs up quickly and often out of nowhere, blindsiding us with rage and frustration.

It’s a very telling emotion as well. Anger is the security blanket we often use to cover up our true hurts and fears—fear of loss, worry about the future, fear of a dissolving connection with someone.

So, let’s dig into anger today. Just a little. It’s not easy work because, as women, we are so often socialized to suppress our anger. We are taught that it’s dangerous and damaging to confront our rage.

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One Week Vacation or Everyday Indulgence?

The other day, I was chatting with some co-workers at lunch and we were catching up about our summer vacations. I was the only one in the group who didn’t like to go to all inclusive resorts or on cruises. To be honest, I question the practices at most resorts in terms of labour relations, environmental impact and food supply (I’ve written more about this here). I would rather support a smaller tourism company or even a family renting their home. And let’s get real, I may be a tourist myself but I don’t wanna hang around any other tourists. I want to blend in, meet locals and observe the culture as it unfolds before me. I want to go to markets, I want to watch families at coffee shops, I want to picnic and hike.

This was met with some shock:

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Let’s do a boundary check in shall we?

My day job as a Nurse Practitioner means that I spend my days supporting women in their physical and mental health. I bear witness to stories of great suffering and even greater resilience. It is work that I am passionate about. It is extremely rewarding and urgent work.

It is also extremely tiring. I am coming off of a year of learning how to be a mother which is also very tiring work. It’s easy as a helper, healer and mama to get lost. To completely pour yourself into your work and/or your family. I used to think that pouring of myself was selflessness. I thought it was virtuous.

You know what it really is? Unsustainable. …

3 Ways to Stop People Pleasing

As a recovering people pleaser, super-friend and do-it-all mama, I love helping other women disconnect from the everyday hustle and connect more deeply with themselves.

Are you constantly over-scheduling yourself and then feeling exhausted afterward?

Do your friends and family call you and expect you to drop your plans and listen/help them?

Do you often do things out of guilt only to later resent the person you did it for?

If so, I get it—navigating all of this has been such a huge part of my journey. In order to help you break free from exhaustion, guilt and resentment, I compiled a few mindset shifts that have helped me immensely:

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The 5 Reasons I Practice Yoga

I have been practicing yoga on and off for 15 years. It’s a form of movement that I always come back to because it is a movement practice that totally prioritizes the mind-body connection. Have you been thinking of starting a yoga practice but are not sure what all the hype is about? Are you afraid that it’s not for you? Let me tell you, it is.

Here are the five reasons I do yoga every week:…

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