Guilt has been an emotion I’ve struggled with a lot, for a very long time.
I thought it was a virtuous thing—“ I feel bad that I’m not doing the thing that person wants me to do. I should be a better/bigger person and act how they want me to.”
Damn, did I have it allllllll wrong.
Guilt is an important emotion. It *can* be the driver of better behaviour. But here’s the thing: better for others is not necessarily better for *you* (or even better for the world). Sometimes what others want from you; what others are making you feel guilty about is actually just what’s good for them. And by good, I mean COMFORTABLE for them. You feeling guilty takes the accountability off of them and that’s easy and comfortable for them.
So the next time you’ve got some nagging guilt and ur wondering what to do, reflect on this:
- What do I feel guilty about? Did I hurt someone?
- Would not hurting them mean that I would have had to go against my own values in order to please them?
- If so why would I do that? Why would I go against my own values to make someone else happy? Is that what’s right for me?
If it’s not, then do what’s right for you. And do it with compassion and loving kindness.
I have something I think I “should” do, something that’s expected of me. But when I quiet the “shoulds” and I sit with myself, I don’t want to do that shit. If I don’t do what’s expected of me, I don’t actually feel misaligned in my core. I feel more at peace with what I want to do rather than what is expected.
If I do what I want, might there be backlash and hurt anyway? Probably.
I didn’t say non-conformity was easy. It’s fucking hard. But only temporarily. Because once you do you enough times, people adapt and adjust.
Go forth sweet one, living YOUR truth and not conforming to expectations that don’t suit you. I’m there with you and for you.
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